What We Should Be Doing

I should be happy     it's as simple as that

but instead I find   myself   filled with fear
I've wanted what I thought I've wanted for years
to get back to that place   (though it's no location
just a figment of my fragmented imagination)

I can't have what doesn't exist

I know you had hope   lost it   got it back
and I'd feel like an even bigger ass to steal it again
but I just can't think of any other alternative
(What     this working?)

I can't hide my pessimistic optimism
I feel like shit now     but it'll all fix itself somehow   (maybe)

I should be happy     it's as simple as that

But I can't fight the fear     of having the fear
of losing someone     (just give up)

I know I'd fucking ruin it     (Fuck   that bitch did it
she fucking ruined me)     it's as simple as that

Same Simple

I     a man of simple taste(s)
a pen     a page
frustration at the correlation   (or the lack of)
   between the sheets and the screen

(Bastard html    expelling my [coded space]s)
(so I type them by hand)

How lazily I employ these fingers
Click   Clack     till the bones show

I sit back   and laugh   at how sad
I am     same simple pursuit

She's just a muse amusing herself

I Slept with Osaka

The “m” in the center of the back of your sweater
formed the perfect curve     I want to form my body around     yours

(You’re my)   Xylem without the Xy   (okay   so you’re not mine)

You and me is how I read the “U” and “M”
(talk about selective seeing)

“Co” and “Co”     as in my imagined habitating
oh my god     how come I can only think of Oh My Goddess

     Here I am   with my friends   laying next
     to the girl I like   (sober me screaming
     telling drunk me to act)   and all my whiskey powered
     self manages to carry out is playing a joke and placing
     my dick on her shoulder and head
             God   I’m stupid          but you have no idea how much

I’ll beat myself up     over not speaking up
   while I had the courage

I’ll drain the liquids from my veins come morning
so I can go back to just yearning     not acting
never living into my potential

I wear size 6 or 12 shoes     (length or width)     (they’re different)

My feet don’t overshadow yours as much as my hands
(though I’m far behind them in terms of talent)

I saw your hair from the back     at night   it looked black
I froze   then shuddered     A flash of nightmares
came back     I thought you were Melanie     and not
   my not mine   Ellie

Eating Airwaves

Apply my chapstick   (Blistex)   smack     throw that shit in a chapbook
feel the high fahrenheit     to write   one of my own
but it won't belong in the same     (what's bigger than a ballpark?)

I feel     but can't quite capture it
   two separate lives placed on two separate shelves

You talked of God and Cain     cause and effect events
linked by chains     affecting our carbon bodies

I flip through copies of your inked paper
reading incessantly     praying to sink
   so that they may seep into me

I want to feed off you     your talent
eat the airwaves we create with rants

I can't hold water in my hands
   or a belief in god

I've read too many pages
of books     (I didn't find the good one that great)

My hungry eyes made it audible
and my mind decides it doesn't sound right
coming from my lips     I can't apply   it to my life

like chapstick to my lips     to kiss your chapbook
in my leaky hands   goodnight

That Pale Paisley Print Didn’t Fool Me Or Lull Me Into a False Sense of Serenity

Double bass digits     burning holes through tabletops

I never much liked the doctors     or waiting
spending all my precious pent up patience
and non-existent paper notes     that stand for promises

I'll never get to keep

Cut a hole     use them as bait
to fish for answers in this well lit hell

White sterile coats stare at us
(we must look a fine pair)

The lady with a paper hat took me aside     looked in my eyes
and the bitch had the balls to ask if I could be mature

Didn't she know what the fuck was going on?
(I mean     that's her job)

We just lobbed lies in a volatile volley     you and I
didn't know what the fuck we were doing